he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
