I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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