This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
