just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
