my phone cant type all the emotion im having
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
