All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
