I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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