if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
