I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
