I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
