I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Randomize
