my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize