3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
