i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
