I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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