i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
