I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
