And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
