Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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