i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Randomize
