I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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