Swine flu. Run for my life!
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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