she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize