don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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