We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
