can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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