I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I supernannyed him into submission
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
