apparently the secret to your success is patron
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
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