remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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