Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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