So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
