he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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