So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
