I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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