He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
