playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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