Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
