Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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