Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I can feel your judgement through the phone
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
