I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
