I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
