I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
