I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
