It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
