i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
