Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
the raccoons are back...
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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