idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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