Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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