Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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