Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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