Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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