It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
