Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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