He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize