I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize