I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
