Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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