gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
