so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
