Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize