I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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