addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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