you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
