I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
