I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
