How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
