i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
