next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
