you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
