I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I understand Curling. That high.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
