Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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