The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
