please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
