just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I have fence marks all over my body
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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