I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize