There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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