Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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