ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
