well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
