life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
