Apparently you make a good broom.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
