I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I have surprise drugs for everyone
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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