Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
