I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
