did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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