Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
