Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
