So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
