oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
