Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
