Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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