Im at strip club and am horny
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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