god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
