i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
