shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
