One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
