Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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